Endometriosis and the Career Driven Women
Below is an article by Melissa Meyer of www.cureendometriosis.com
Melissa has written a personal blog about endometriosis and her own research and discovery on healing.
I am sure most women can relate, so if you are interested in finding out more, drop by Melissa’s site for a read.
Endometriosis affects 1 in 7 women around the world and this number is sadly on a steady increase. The condition affects women of all ages and many women only discover they have the condition once they slow down and wish to conceive a child. It affects a woman’s fertility and this can be the very first obvious symptom.
Endometriosis is formed when retrograde cells are found within the uterus that grow and form adhesions. It is these cells that can cause damage to fallopian tubes and ovaries and thereby inhibit pregnancy.
As the condition is more prevalent in women in their late 20’s it is often associated as a “career women’s disease”.
Women who have endometriosis seem to possess personality traits which fall into strong, driven and perfectionism traits, which has created the link between the “career women’s disease” and endometriosis.
Though these traits appear on the surface to reflect a determined and confident personality, the driving force behind these traits needs to be carefully reassessed. Many women with endometriosis actually suffer from a constant need to be better than who they currently are.
They are driven to constantly improve who they are and be more than what they can be. Although this trait can be positive in certain individuals, too much of this drive can create unnecessary physical and emotional stress.
The motives for being more and driving oneself further often relate to a poor self-image or a need to be perfect. Endometriosis has been closely linked to a thought pattern referred to as “Timeous Perfectionism”.
Essentially the drive is to do a job perfectly and quickly at the same time. It is this constant pressure to perform and do more, in a shorter space of time at the highest standard that ultimately creates an incredible stress inside of the body. Endometriosis sufferers have been recognized to possess this thinking pattern and the connection between time and perfectionism is even more prevalent in certain job roles.
It is also this perfectionism that is unfulfilling and never ending. Achievements are not valued within themselves and they are constantly seeking more. They are often self critical and unrewarding towards their own achievements and seek approval from others.
It is important to acknowledge and accept these traits within oneself early so we can recognize them when we think and act on them and learn to slow down and recognize the emotion attached to the stress event. The more we can recognize our repeated traits, the easier our healing process will be.
Happiness begins when one can accept oneself and love oneself regardless of achievements. Acknowledgement for what one has achieved is also a very important step and would also provide additional self-esteem. We seldom give ourselves true reward for the things we have achieved in life.
It is only through acknowledgement and self love that true healing and happiness and really occur.
Women Executives: Leadership Role Models (Part 3)
If my 2 previous posts have seemed less than optimistic, let me assure you that there is hope (for us all!).
Below is an article by Professor Ginka Toegel the Director of Strategies for Leadership Program, International Institute of Management Development, Switzerland.
Companies are not setting themselves these targets out of some generalized notion of equality but because there is a strong business case for them to do so.
There has been a great deal of research in this area that suggests the value of having gender diverse management teams.
For example, companies that have more than three women in management positions tend to have better return on equity and assets than do those with fewer women.
They also tend to score higher on organizational effectiveness criteria. Equally, women board members tend to be very well-prepared for meetings, which raises the benchmark for others.
This subsequently leads to better discussions, and better decisions.
So, there is a clear business case for companies hiring and promoting more senior women. But what is life like for the women who are already in these roles?
When we have less than 15 percent of a minority in a social category, we talk about tokens.
And anyone who is in that position is likely to be under a huge amount of pressure, as they are highly visible, and frequently will feel that they represent not just themselves, but their entire category.
At 25 percent – in many companies this is currently the target – they are still in a minority, but they are no longer tokens.
The tipping point is 35 percent: once we reach this level, visibility becomes less of an issue and women’s identity as women becomes less salient.
Past this point, when women speak, they are heard as individuals with their own separate backgrounds, values and personalities, not as “the woman”.
Her opinions and views are not reduced to her gender.
The problem at the moment is that we have so few senior women in management positions that they are perceived as outsiders.
This creates a kind of legitimacy gap, in that they do not fit the (male) stereotype of what it is to be a leader.
This leads in turn to another problem, which is that male leaders tend to be associated with “agentic” behavior: they are more likely to be proactive, assertive, dominant, in control of the situation.
Female leaders, by contrast, show what we call “communal values”: friendliness, support, warmth and a caring attitude.
When we look at these two sets of values, it becomes clear that it is the agentic approach that we associate with leadership.
Many women come to the conclusion that, as a result of these stereotypes, the only way for them to be perceived to be legitimate leaders is to emulate male leaders.
However, the real answer is not so straightforward.
If women simply emulate men, they violate the gender stereotype, which creates a perception that they are being phony.
This creates a real problem, and can lead to them being penalized for being inauthentic leaders.
Women should instead blend both sets of characteristics.
Indra Nooyi, the Chief Executive and Chairwoman of PepsiCo, does this very successfully; she can make tough decisions and is very assertive in negotiations, but her direct reports also describe her as extremely warm and caring.
What then of the future? Well, despite the disappointing statistics there are many good reasons to be positive.
The next 5 to 10 years will see a dramatic change for the better.
Women managers can contribute to this by understanding that there are certain expectations related to organizational leadership, and developing their skills accordingly.
Financial Education for Kids: 3 Tips For A Great Start
I believe that you are never too young to learn how to wisely manage your money.
Just imagine if this was a compulsory subject taught in grade school would the global financial crisis have been less severe if not altogether avoided?
That wasn’t a rhetorical question, folks.
Instead, what we have in our education system is the mantra that is continuously drilled into our heads that we should knuckle down, study hard and get good grades so that we can find ourselves secure jobs that see us to retirement.
Anybody notice what is wrong with the previous statement?
For one thing, the employment landscape has changed so much in the last 25 years that if you are 22 years old and reading this, you will very possibly be on to your third job before you reach 30.
The pace at which technology is changing and the rate business models are evolving means that you may want to revise your thoughts on having only one job for life.
So, back to the topic at hand; as parents how do you model to your kids on the issue of money. This means that what you say, and do with the money you earn will to a large degree determine how your children deal with their own hard earned when they are old enough to do so.
Here are some tips to get them on the right track
1. The 70:20:10 Rule
Disciplined saving of 30 cents into the piggy bank for every dollar that they get as pocket money or for the older kids what they make on paper rounds etc.
Explain to them that they are allowed to spend 70 cents on anything they want but 20 cents has to go into the bank.
Kids will ask why and the answer is that it is seed money that they will lend the bank and the good thing is that the bank has to pay them extra (interest) for borrowing their money. This is empowering for your child to know that they are doing the banks a favour, not the other way around
2. Tithing: the other 10 cents
This 10 cents teaches your child the idea of giving to charitable causes and creates generosity of spirit. One great way is to discuss with your kids that by tithing they can help people less fortunate then themselves and it makes for a better community when everybody pitches in. It is a fantastic way to build your child’s self esteem.
3. Delayed gratification
We all want it NOW!
Advertisers know how to push all the right buttons but as we have seen, there are a lot of under 25’s who are declared bankrupts from using the instant credit offered by retailers for the latest gadgets only to find that they cannot repay the debt.
Personally I think that having a bad credit rating is as bad as having STD; no one will want to do business with you and even worse when you realise that you had the chance to buy into a great business but cannot get finance to do so.
If your child desperately wants something now, and has the money saved ask them to sleep on it for 2 whole days before they go to the store to get it.
It is not being cruel to your child, but getting them to think about their wants versus their needs.
Above all, have open and honest communication with them about money-it’s not a dirty word.
Yours in health, wealth and happiness
Financial Freedom, Mindset and You Part 4
Financial Freedom Mindset and You Recapping Part 3
(Parts 1-3 were titled, “You and Your Money”)
I described a real situation where a young Australian couple realized that it was their old mindset that had prevented them from accepting that they could become wealthy by receiving passive income. When the penny dropped, they quickly found a technique to smash past that obstacle and today are millionaires and are continuing to grow their multi million dollar business.
We have all heard of affirmations. Pick up any self development book that line the shelves of your bookstore and you can bet that there is at least a chapter devoted to this topic.
In essence, these are short positive sentences stated in the present tense, that when repeated daily are designed to bring about change for the better in your life.
Well, if this is so easy to do, why aren’t more people using affirmations to become happier, healthier, wealthier individuals?
When you are instructed to spring out of bed first thing in the morning with unbridled enthusiasm, and told to recite, “I am making $100, 000 a year” (when you are currently earning $30, 000 per annum), a little voice in your head says “Dream on, buddy. What makes you think you can make $100, 000?”
Herein lies the rub: Your thoughts and feelings determine your actions and your actions repeated become habits. In turn your habits drive your daily activities, which determine your results (in every facet of your life).
The key here is how you see yourself.
Remember, you cannot outperform your self image.
If you think and feel (that is the operative phrase) that you do not deserve something in life, then you will not get it. This is despite your conscious mind saying that you do want to do well in your career, life, relationship etc.
The analogy I use is that of a ship with sails (conscious mind) that has dropped anchor (subconscious mind).
If both conscious and subconscious minds are not in harmony or in sync, all the effort and good intentions (think wind in your sails=conscious mind) will not get you from where you are presently to where you want to be simply because you are still anchored (sub conscious mind) to the spot.
The programming you picked up well before you turned 7 is the basis for the behaviors that still drives you today. In other words, a 7 year old runs your life, and this may explain why you do the things you as an adult do today that might not be too helpful in achieving your life goals.
So, back to the couple I mentioned in Part 3, or more specifically the husband who we shall call Andrew.
Andrew, as a child broke his arm whilst playing on the monkey bars in a park, after being told not to (which kid does as he is told?). He then found himself in the hospital corridor waiting to be examined by a doctor.
In his impressionable young mind he saw the doctors and nurses who hurried by as people who were obviously intelligent, and remote. They were formidable and daunting figures to a young child who was also in a great deal of pain.
Andrew made the association that he wasn’t bright compared to these people. He then proceeded to prove that by failing his high school exams.
His circumstances changed when he met Paul and Mary Blackburn, founders of Beyond Success, a personal development company.
Through a 20 minute exercise and meditation, Andrew took himself back to that point in time, as a frightened distressed child in a hospital, and re scripted his experience of the event to one which was positive and calming.
The change in his self image was startling, as Andrew then went on to law school and completed his degree with distinctions.
Similarly, when Andrew and his wife were not making headway with their goal of becoming financially independent, they applied this exercise to identify the obstacle that was in their path to realizing their dream.
They made the paradigm shift from having to toil for money and that making money demanded hard graft, to being okay with receiving income passively. It was as simple as that.
Please contact me for more details regarding this exercise and meditation.
Yours in health, wealth and happiness
Not Settling for Second Best
“ Very few people are going after what they truly want in life. Most people settle for what they think they can get.”- Bob Proctor
I felt sad when I read Bob’s observation of the human condition. It said to me that there are an inordinate number of people telling themselves that it is okay to settle for second best.
You did not come into this world to be second best- in my previous 15 years in science with 10 years as a medical scientist I can tell you that during the 38 or so weeks required to assemble you from the ground up, (at the molecular level from bits of DNA from your biological parents), a MILLION things could have gone wrong.
From not being up to scratch (hence having the plug pulled in utero) to not making it into this world with all your fingers, toes and faculties intact.
But here you are, a living, breathing, sentient being perfect in every way BUT only just getting by?
It is not exactly what was intended for you, was it now?
So my question to you is why are you not performing at 100 % and getting what you truly want in life.
Did somebody veto your plans, did they tell you that you can’t and didn’t it ever occur to you to ask, “Why not, why can’t I have what I truly want?”
And here’s the clincher, when they gravely (but with a whiff of triumph) intoned their pronouncement as to why, did you have to accept their explanation?
It’s your life and you can do whatever you like.
That includes ignoring the pessimists the naysayers, the glum people who can suck the oxygen out of a room simply by being around you.
So, think of the creative ways you can stand up for yourself, take control and go after what you truly want in life.
Yes, you will create waves and upset some people along the way, but given the choice would you rather have your spirit languish for the sake of “not making a fuss” or do you want to stand tall and claim your right to a place in the sun.
Here’s Vanessa Amorosi’s song “This is who I am” for a dose of defiance and perhaps you may want to use it as your anthem for the next week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEZf6gLnL3c
Yours in health, wealth and happiness
That’s What Friends Are For
Remember when Stevie Wonder, Luther Vandross, Dionne Warwick and Whitney Houston sang this number?
There was not a dry eye in the house and for good reason; other than yourself the next best thing to have around is a best friend.
I am not referring to acquaintances, but real and genuine people you’d want to spend time with and vice versa.
We all have or had one as we were growing up and some of these people have stayed in touch until today whilst others were THE best friend at a specific time in our lives.
It is said that we are known by the company or friends we keep so pause for a moment and think of the qualities we want in our friend(s). Note how many of these reflect our own values.
Here are some of the qualities I wish for in a friend: dependability, thoughtfulness, loyalty, trustworthiness, honesty, kindness and a keen sense of humor.
Extrapolating from these are also ones that support a healthy lifestyle for example, fans of physical fitness, and a sense of culinary adventure and unafraid of trying new exotic cuisines.
Finally, ones that indicate a positive attitude towards life, for instance, the ability to bounce back quickly after a setback and who do not seek to blame others or circumstances for lives that are less than happy and fulfilled.
In a round about way I am referring to intrinsic and extrinsic values that shape our self image. Now remind yourself that you cannot out perform your self image.
Warren Buffett had this to say on the topic of friends:
”I like having an expensive private plane, but owning a half-dozen homes would be a burden,” Buffett noted. ”Too often, a vast collection of possessions ends up possessing its owner. The asset I most value, aside from health, is interesting, diverse, and long-standing friends.”
Maybe that is why he is such an extraordinary multi billionaire investor.
Yours in health, wealth and happiness
The Art of Giving and Receiving a Compliment
I was recently speaking to a colleague and in the course of conversation complimented her hairstyle and how the new color and cut really suited her. She was positively beaming.
So, the rest of this post is about two things:
1) Why you or I would give someone a compliment, and
2) How the other person interprets and then responds to this gesture
Firstly, we all enjoy and thrive on positive interactions-it is certainly much more pleasant, triggers our feel good brain chemicals (endorphins) and puts a smile on our faces long after we’ve gone our separate ways.
Said from the heart and from a place of love, it enriches you as much as the person on the receiving end of this random act of kindness.
The “art” of giving a compliment is to spring it on the unsuspecting, catching them unawares. From your perspective, this is not done because you are angling for a reciprocal compliment. In this instance, it’s not all about you, it’s about them! Give without the thought of getting anything in return is what I am saying here.
Secondly, people are not stupid and will sense if the compliment is genuine (and not an attempt to “butter up” the recipient). We can all sniff out a phoney, some one with an ulterior motive or hidden agenda.
When you are on the receiving end of a compliment, note how you respond. Do you stammer, blush and try and play it down, or do you say a gracious thank you because you are comfortable in your own skin, and can accept the praise or kind words unreservedly.
By the way, your response is an indication of how you feel about yourself.
The “art” of receiving a compliment is to say to yourself, “Yes, I do deserve the praise, compliment etc”. So, when the inner critic asks why is it that you are deserving, have this reply ready. Say, “Because I just do”.
Letting Go
“Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies”-Dr John F DeMartini
Think back to the last time you felt ignored, insulted, offended, ostracized, humiliated, criticized, denigrated, bullied, blamed, suffered a public put down, and the list goes on…(a Thesaurus is a handy thing!)
If you are a sharp wit and can think quickly on your feet, you might have a great come back. However, the rest of us tend to have our killer line and retort ready long after the event and when your tormentor is halfway into the next county. Don’t you hate it when that happens?
In our heads we have a replay button stuck on the same audio and video track, going through that event over and over again. With time, it is embellished with even more negativity and it starts to take on a life of its own.
“What to do” you ask yourself, still fuming. In the safety of your head, you plot or there is the other tack where you can say “You gotta turn the other cheek and forgive”.
I don’t know about you but I am not interested in long term penitentiary stays, nor am I a saint so the cheek turning business gets a bit tiresome after a while.
However, it is for your own sake to break the cycle, otherwise as Dr DeMartini has aptly put, “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies”.
I like practical solutions.
Therefore you need to put Plan A into action i.e., dissipate the physical anger (see my previous post on Anger Management 101); second, get your head to talk to your heart about this negative situation.
Ask yourself how much of it was because of your own interpretation of how the event unfolded. Remember you cannot feel insulted, embarrassed or small unless YOU ALLOW it. How to overcome this?
Work on improving your self esteem.
Write a letter addressed to that person about what you want to say (give yourself permission to let ‘er rip!) and then burn it. This is symbolic of severing the tie that binds you to that person because whether we like it or not, when we do not let go, we are still attached to that person (yuck!).
Make better use of the energy that God has given us, put it to better use like spending time with people we like or working on increasing the value of our businesses.
Yours in health, wealth and happiness
Why You Really Need To Work On It If You Want to Achieve Your Dreams & Goals
Would I be right to say that each and everyone has a burning desire to succeed, achieve a number of goals, become better wives, mothers, local and global citizens etc.
You want to create wealth, have radiantly good health and happiness and in doing so, be in the position to give back to the community by the truckload.
We may have arrived at this point directly or perhaps via a more circuitous path.
Whichever the case, we are now here.
Some days your goals and grand visions are so clear you can taste, touch, smell and feel it. It makes your heart beat just a bit faster, and the sense of anticipation and excitements makes you want to jump up and down with glee.
Other times, it feels like a bit of a pipe dream and the naysayers (including the harsh internal critic) have a field day picking apart your precious dreams.
Question: So how do you keep going in the face of adversity and whilst you are paused to take a breath when you are in one of those “pushing the proverbial uphill” days?
Answer: See subject heading. I have included an inspirational missive from Brain Tracy. It certainly keeps me going when obstacles (which are really opportunities in disguise) pop up. Enjoy and be re-inspired.
“The most important Million Dollar Habit you can develop is the habit of deliberately building your own self-esteem and self-confidence on a daily basis.
The more you feed your mind with positive words, pictures, and thoughts, the more positive, confident, optimistic and unafraid you become.
The more you like yourself, the better you do at anything you attempt.
The more you like yourself, the less you fear failure and rejection.
The more you like yourself, the less you worry about short-term setbacks and obstacles.
The more you like yourself, the greater courage and resilience you will have to face the inevitable ups and downs of life.
And the more you like yourself, the more it is that you will persist until you succeed.
Self-esteem is everything”. Brian Tracy